Interview with a Vampire. FF7 Style.
by The Mysterious Flower Girl
Summary: It was supposed to be a normal interview with Vincent...really....


Interview with a Vampire. FF7 Style.  
-------------------  
  
By the great Yuffie Kisaragi!  
  
TMFG: Hey, don't steal my credit!  
  
Yuffie: Drats!  
  
By the great Mysterious Flower Girl ^_^  
  
Yuffie: Chya, like they'll buy that.  
  
TMFG: Shaddup, you.  
  
Vincent: *looks at the title* Ok, why does everyone think I'm  
a vampire?! I am a very handsome _freak experiment_! Geebus Cripes,  
can't any of you get that right?!  
  
TMFG: I dunno, the vampire sounds a tad bit better, Vince ^^;  
----------------  
  
TMFG: *settles down comfortably in her chair* *pauses to wonder how many  
more self insert humor fics she plans on doing while idly sipping her tea  
every few moments* Hmm, looks like Vincent isn't here yet.  
  
(from behind the stage)  
  
Vincent: I won't do it, I tell you! I'm better than that! I refuse to  
be some girl's pawn to babble out answers to useless questions and  
furthermo- is that a tazer? What do you plan to do with it? Gaah!  
My ribs! *is hurtled onto the stage by the backstage crew, landing  
conveniently head first in his chair*  
  
TMFG: Ah, you're here! ^_^ But you were five minutes late.  
  
Vincent: And?  
  
TMFG: Late boys must be punished ^_^ Wakka, bring out the chocobo.  
  
Wakka: *comes out, holding a leash which is attached to a chocobo. The chocobos  
feathers are ruffled, it's eyes are wild, and it is foaming at the mouth. Wakka  
is covered with various peck marks and has a patch over his eye* I didn't think  
this is what they'd mean by endurance training when I took this job, ya? I'm  
going to sue you for all you got, ya?  
  
Kihmari: *appears out of thin air* Apart from time Kihmari work as guardian  
who speak in third person...*clears throat* I also work as Kihmari, attorney  
at law. I shall take your case for hidden fees that will drain you of all  
the money I supposedly got you. Sound good?  
  
Wakka: Ha ha, good idea, I'll sue you, ya? Pay for a new blitzball, maybe, ya?  
  
TMFG: ^_^ *presses a button, and Bahamut appears behind the duo, picks them  
up by the collars and takes them behind the stage. Various screams can  
be heard* I am the author. I am invincible. Fear me. Gwee hee hee!   
  
Vincent: 0.o; Are you related to Hojo in anyway?  
  
TMFG: He is my uncle's brother's son's cousin's nephew's   
grandparent's grandchild's daughter's  
cousin's aunt's brother, twice removed. ^_^  
  
Vincent: I lost you there.  
  
TMFG: I know you did. That was what I was planning.  
  
Vincent: ...  
  
TMFG: Oh, yes that reminds me! Sparky!   
  
Vincent: Sparky?  
  
TMFG: *points to the chocobo who is now behind Vincent's chair,   
drool dripping from it's beak  
and breathing heavily*   
  
Sparky: Waaaaaark....waaaaarrrrgggggkkkhh....  
  
Vincent: Mommy 0_0  
  
( a techinical difficulties screen appears with Chibi Vivi)  
  
Chibi Vivi: I'm cuuuuuuuute! I'm cuuuuuuuuuuuuute! I'm cuuuuuuuuuu-  
  
(technical difficulties screen ends)  
  
Vincent: *is sitting in chair, peck marks all over, hair matted with chocobo  
drool and clothes are ripped and torn* @_@  
  
TMFG: Ah, that's better. Ever since that freak accident with the ghost  
cat from California, Sparky has become very useful. So shall we start  
the interview now?  
  
Vincent: My bologna has first name it's O-s-c-a-r! My bologna has a second  
name it's M-a-y-e-r! Oh, I love to eat it everyday! And if you ask me  
why? I'd say...cuz' Oscar Mayer has a way with b-o-l-o-g-n-a!   
  
TMFG: 0.o; Err...and that was the musical stylings of Vincent Valentine, folks!  
*hands Vincent a potion*  
  
Vincent: *takes potion*  
*blinks* Where am I? Where did the land of the dancing hotdogs go?  
  
TMFG: I think we'd ought to start with the interview.  
  
Vincent: I don't know, I think a few CAT scans may be in order...-_-;  
  
TMFG: *ignores Vincent* Ok, number one...what is it like sleeping in a coffin?  
  
Vincent: What do you think it's like? *glare*  
  
TMFG: Just answer the question.  
  
Vincent: And why should I, little girl?  
  
TMFG: Oh, Spaaaarky!  
  
Vincent: *jumps* Err! It's very cramped at first, but you get used to it, really!  
Just don't huuuurt meeeee!  
  
TMFG: *smile* Ah, thank you. Second, what are your nightmares about?  
  
Vincent: *mummbles something*  
  
TMFG: I didn't hear you. Care to repeat that?  
  
Vincent: Terefwubries...  
  
TMFG: A little louder please.  
  
Vincent: All right! They were about teletubbies, ok?! They scare the living  
you-know-what outta me! I mean, how is there a baby in the sun? And   
don't tell me you don't know that one has a purse! And-  
  
TMFG: *holds her hand up* Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you, a grown  
27 year old man (give or take a few years in that coffin of yours), say you  
were afraid of teletubbies?  
  
Cloud: *from the audience* THEY ARE EVIIIIIIIIL!  
  
Sephiroth: *also from the audience* Even I, the great bishounen king   
of darkness, Sephiroth, fear them!  
  
TMFG: *blinks* Well at least I know I'm not alone. Number three, how do  
you feel about fanfictions that match you up with Yuffie Kisaragi.  
  
Vincent: I am not going to even dignify that with an answer.  
  
Yuffie: *from behind stage* Vincey-chan, when are we going out to dinner?  
  
Vincent: At 7:30 in front of the Gold Saucer, sweetie! *wave, smile*  
  
TMFG: That answered my question.  
  
Vincent: What?  
  
TMFG: *ignoring Vincent again* And moooving on... Final Question. If you  
had an Amazing Fluffypooko, what would you do?  
  
Vincent: I'd fly to Mars of course! ^_^  
  
Tidus: *can be heard from the sky* Nooo! Miss Fluffypooko is miiiiine!  
  
TMFG: Ah, the insanity never seems to cease. Thank goodness! I might  
be outta business then!   
  
Chibi Vivi: *walks onto the stage* I'm cuuuuuuute! I'm cuuuuuuuute!  
  
Audience: *brainwashed* He's cuuuuuuute! He's cuuuuuuuuuuute!  
  
TMFG: And isn't he? ^_^ Well that's all folks. Um...by the way, has anyone seen  
Sparky?  
  
And suddenly...as you finish reading the fic, you hear a low "Waaaaaark!" from  
behind you....  
  
THE END? 


End file.
